Anonymous: So, I’m in a relationship with a 22 year difference. We both want each other, and have admitting our love towards each other. The thing that’s a big road block is he worried about how society is going to look at him, and inner turmoil. I’m the younger one. I honestly don’t have a problem with it, but I’m having trouble helping him or even seeing what he’s actually feeling. We’ve been together for a while also, so why all of a sudden? I really appreciate you reading& replying. Thanks. 🙂
Answer: That’s a shame, I’m sorry to hear that outside pressure is putting a strain on your relationship. To help you understand his perspective, just think about how people often look at age gap relationships and think that the younger person is being taken advantage of. People can look at the two of you and immediately brand him as a predator, a pervert, or a pedophile. My boyfriend is no stranger to these terms, and at first hearing this kind of awful rhetoric was hurtful, but in time he learned to laugh and brush it off for what it is: total ignorance. It could be that these feelings are popping up now rather than earlier in the relationship because he’s noticing more of the negative signs around him. Maybe he’s catching some weird glances, or perhaps someone he knows may have commented to him that they think that what he’s doing is wrong.
It sucks, but society can influence how we see things. He could feel less positive about your relationship now because it’s being beaten into his head that it can never work. It’s your job to assure him otherwise. You should try to empathize with what he’s feeling, while also maybe pointing out some of the stereotypes that the younger partner is labeled with in age gap relationships (being a gold digger, daddy issues, being victimized, etc.) and say that you’ve risen above the judgement of strangers because your love for him is what truly matters in the grand scheme of things. You couldn’t give a damn what the world thinks because you have each other. Because really, in a couple of years, what will be more important? Having a strong and lasting relationship with someone you adore? Or not having to deal with random idiots on the street who turn their noses up at you? It’s a no-brainer!
I’d like to know your thoughts, Thanks.